


Of Course (or: Kevin Price Doesn’t Like Camping)

by oui_oui_mon_ami



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Angst, Camping, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, How Do I Tag, M/M, Mentions of Death, Post-Canon, Sharing a Bed, but no one dies I promise, but not much bc i suck at writing it lmao, but not really - it's more like sharing a tent, hell dreams, mentions of internalised homophobia, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-27 05:54:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12074856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oui_oui_mon_ami/pseuds/oui_oui_mon_ami
Summary: Kevin was praying to a god that may or may not exist that he wouldn’t be brought into Elder McKinley and Elder Poptarts’ argument about who had forgotten to pack their tent.





	Of Course (or: Kevin Price Doesn’t Like Camping)

**Author's Note:**

> question of the day: why on earth do i find writing a 5000 word fanfiction easier than a 1500 word essay
> 
> this is my first long fic for this fandom and i wrote it all in a notebook bc i spilt water on my laptop and broke it (whoops) and now i'm writing this up on my parents' laptop (bran uran voice: "i came out to my parents when they discovered gay fanfiction on their computer while i was at school having an emotional breakdown")

 

Technically, the whole matter was probably Kevin’s fault. After all, it was his idea that the elders should make the journey to the neighbouring village to spread the teachings of the Book of Arnold. His only suggested it out of selfishness: he had thought that maybe he could still do something incredible in Uganda, even if he was no longer the naïve Mormon poster-boy he was upon arriving in the country.

However, after a whole day proselytizing with no success, that something incredible seemed even further out of reach than it had ever been before. Of course it did: things had never gone quite right for Kevin since he had arrived in Uganda. He was owed some serious karma points. Unless this was punishment for being an asshole most of his life, in which case, he probably deserved it.

And now Kevin was praying to a god that may or may not exist that he wouldn’t be brought into Elder McKinley and Elder Poptarts’ argument about who had forgotten to pack their tent.

“I definitely told you that you were in charge of our tent, Elder!” Elder McKinley exclaimed, not quite shouting (Elder McKinley never shouted, not even when he was really mad, which was extremely rare anyway), but certainly louder than Kevin had heard him in a long time. “As District Leader, it was my duty to assign roles to each pair of companions. And between the two of us, I was in charge of food and bedding, and you were in charge of the tent.”

“And as District Leader, it was also your duty to double-check that we all had everything,” Elder Poptarts argued, his voice much quieter compared to his mission companion. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I was… sort of occupied with other things.” The elder looked at his feet sheepishly.

Elder McKinley clenched his fists. “Please don’t tell me you that you packed Poptarts over a tent.”

Elder Poptarts said nothing, but the blush spreading across his cheeks was answer enough.

Elder McKinley sighed. “Well, the sun’s setting so we might as well set up camp for tonight and begin our journey home tomorrow morning. Those of you who have tents” – he gave Poptarts a quick glare – “can pitch them here. The villagers have been kind enough to let us use this spot as a campsite. It sure beats camping in the middle of nowhere and hoping no lions stumble across us, right?” He paused in the hope that the elders would laugh, but the group was silent. He cleared his throat. “So, since Elder Poptarts and I don’t have a tent” – Kevin looked over at the smaller elder, who was still blushing profusely and looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. Kevin felt sorry for him – “that means we’ll have to share with you guys. Any volunteers?” Elder McKinley flashed a hopeful smile. Kevin kept his head down. It would be hard enough sharing as small a space as a tent with Arnold – he loved his companion, but his snoring was sometimes too much to bear – and besides, he doubted being in close quarters with the man he had been crushing on for weeks would be a good idea.

(Kevin couldn’t quite pinpoint exactly when, or exactly why, he had started to feel slightly-more-than-friendly feelings for Elder McKinley. He had realised a few weeks after the initial fiasco when he and Arnold had first arrived. The Mormons had started breaking a few of the more strict rules, with many choosing to go to bed later and sleep in, and they were more often seen without their mission companions glued to their sides. Instead of proselytizing, they spent most of the time helping with other things around the village, like assisting Gotswana with his medical duties or helping out at the school. However, Kevin was often found either helping Arnold write and edit his book, or helping Elder McKinley with his District Leader duties, which, strangely enough, seemed to have quadrupled since they had been excommunicated.As Kevin spent more time with Elder McKinley, he had grown to like him more, even if he could be bossy and overbearing. He was also kind and selfless, immediately dropping everything to help someone else, and he was a total nerd when it came to musical theatre, something which Kevin found strangely endearing. And he couldn’t deny that Elder McKinley was handsome, of course he was, in an adorable, ginger way.

Then one day, he caught sight of Elder McKinley laughing at a joke that one of the elders had made, really, genuinely laughing, where his face lit up like the light switch had temporarily been turned back on and he looked so much happier than he normally did. And Kevin was hit with the desire to steal Elder McKinley away to Planet Orlando where he could always feel as happy as he had looked then.

That was when it had clicked, and Kevin had wondered how long he had felt this way. Maybe he always had.)

“Elder Davis and I would be happy to share,” Elder Church piped up, shooting a small smile at Elder Poptarts, who smiled back, relieved but also, Kevin noticed, oddly knowing.

Elder McKinley grinned. “Great. Thanks, Elders. Anyone else?”

“I’m gonna share a tent with Nagasaki tonight, so Kevin will be by himself,” Arnold shouted from the back of the group. Nabulungi had convinced Mafala to allow her to come with the elders and help (the Ugandans seemed to listen to their teachings better when they were coming from someone more similar to them, the Mormons had found), and of course Arnold would want to share a tent with her. Why hadn’t Kevin thought about that?

Elder McKinley’s eyes went wide. “Oh! Well, if Elder Price doesn’t mind…?”

Well, Kevin couldn’t exactly say no, could he? “Oh no, of course not. I don’t mind, I mean. Yes.” He mentally slapped himself for stumbling over the words as he felt his cheeks grow hot. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Arnold give him a knowing wink. Kevin glared back, his eyes very clearly saying _How dare you expose me like this?_ Of course Arnold knew about Kevin’s crush (merely days after Kevin had first realized his own feelings, Arnold had sat him down and asked if he liked Elder McKinley. Kevin had tried to deny it, but Arnold, having “an overactive imagination” as Mr Cunningham had called it, saw right through him.), and of course he would use this tent-sharing as an opportunity to make Kevin tell Elder McKinley about said crush. Too bad that Kevin had resolved to keep his feelings a secret forever.

The elders got to work setting up their tents. Elder McKinley soon made it a contest, declaring a box of Poptarts the prize for the winners – much to his mission companion’s dismay.

Kevin was thoroughly confused. He had never gone camp8ing in his life: the closest he had ever come was road-tripping to Orlando, and even then they stayed in motels that were rated at least three-star. So he had absolutely no idea what to do with the long stick thing that he was trying to put together. He looked over at Elders Poptarts, Church and Davis, who were making excellent progress. It wasn’t exactly fair that they could work together while Kevin was struggling by himself.

“You having fun there?” asked Elder McKinley, who had suddenly materialized next to him.

Kevin jumped, his face immediately growing hot. He told himself that he was simply embarrassed to be caught unawares like that.

Elder McKinley smiled, not unkindly, and picked up the tent fabric, expertly guiding the pole Kevin was holding through one of the holes. After a couple of minutes, the tent was starting to look like… well, a tent. Elder McKinley pointed to the little bag of tent pegs. “We’ll need four of those, one for each corner. Could you hammer them into the ground for me?”

“Sure!” Kevin said, glad to be of assistance instead of simply watching, helpless. Except he completely missed the peg with the hammer on the first hit, and instead whacked his fingers. He let out a yelp and Elder McKinley rushed over.

“Oh gosh, are you okay, Elder Price?” He caught sight if Kevin’s reddening fingers and winced. “Ooh, it’s always painful when that happens. Do you want me to kiss it better?”

Kevin’s eyes went wide and his face immediately turned red – he hoped the dimming light would hide that fact – and it took him a moment to realise that Elder McKinley was joking. “Ha ha,” he said dryly, hitting the peg into the ground half-heartedly and ignoring the small part of him that wanted to say _Yes, kiss me. Please_.

In the end, Elders Neeley and Zelder won the box of Poptarts, but Elder McKinley had helped Kevin and him reach a close second place. For once, Kevin was happy with that. All the elders were worn out from the hard work that day, so after they had eaten the sandwiches that Elder Michaels had made them, they all retired fairly quickly to their tents. Kevin remained outside until everyone had gone in, a heavy flock of butterflies – funny, Kevin had never thought of butterflies as heavy before – weighing in his stomach.

Kevin’s watch told him that it was almost midnight when Elder McKinley emerged from their tent. “Elder Price, it’s way past lights out. You should probably go to bed.”

Kevin sighed and stood up from the log he was using as a seat. “All right,” he sighed. “I still think that the lights out rule is crap, though.”

He saw Elder McKinley frown in the darkness. “Well, we’re getting up early tomorrow, so even if you don’t like the rule, common sense should tell you that going to bed is a good idea.”

Kevin ducked into the tent and loosened his tie. “Common sense? Never heard of her, who is she?”

Elder McKinley rolled his eyes. They changed in silence. All of the elders, even Elder McKinley, had ditched their temple garments back when they had been excommunicated from the Church – the African heat made them unbearable to wear under their uniforms – so Kevin had opted for sleeping shirtless, as he normally did. Elder McKinley wore an oversized t-shirt featuring the logo of some musical under a pair of boxers. For some reason, Kevin found the outfit adorable.

He noticed Elder McKinley look him up and down, and he was sure he was imagining the slight blush colouring his cheeks. “You ready?” he asked. Kevin nodded and they got into their sleeping bags, staying on their respective sides of the tent.

After a moment, Elder McKinley cleared his throat. “Elder Price?” he asked softly.

Kevin turned his head to find the elder staring at him with eyes that shone in the darkness. Gosh, Elder McKinley did have beautiful eyes.

“Are you awake?”

Kevin blinked, snapping himself out of it. “No, I’m fast asleep,” he answered dryly, earning an eye roll from Elder McKinley.

“Good. Before we go to sleep, I have, um. Something I ought to tell you. About Hell dreams.”

Kevin rolled onto his side to face Elder McKinley. “Oh? What about them?”

Elder McKinley was avoiding his gaze. “I, well, I have them every night.”

Kevin felt like all the air had been punched out of him. Elder McKinley had a Hell dream every night? Kevin had only had two of them, and that was bad enough, but _every night_? No wonder Elder McKinley always looked so tired, even though he always tried to hide it. “Oh,” he said simply.

Elder McKinley smiled ruefully. “Yes. So I apologise if I wake you up, and anything I might say… just ignore it. Okay?”

Kevin nodded slowly then, in a burst of courage, reached out to squeeze Elder McKinley’s hand. The District Leader tensed for a second, but Kevin slowly felt him relax. “Don’t worry, I’ll be right here, Elder McKinley,” he said.

“Connor,” Elder McKinley blurted. “Um, my first name, I mean. Is Connor. Just… we’re sharing a tent, we might as well be on first name terms.”

“Connor,” Kevin repeated. The name felt nice on his tongue. It suited him. “I’m Kevin.”

“I know,” Connor replied. “I mean, Arnold always calls you that, so I figured.” He sighed. “I’m sorry to have to burden you with all this, Kevin. Poptarts is used to it now, but I didn’t want to have to drag anyone else into my issues.”

“Hey,” Kevin said. “You’re not a burden. I’d hate for you to have to go through this alone. You’re _not_ a burden, Connor,” he squeezed his hand again, “and anyone who says otherwise can fight me.”

Connor raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Well, how about if _I_ say otherwise?”

“I could totally take you,” Kevin smirked.”

“Yeah?” And with that, Connor pounced on Kevin and wrestled him to the ground. Being taller, Kevin flipped them and pinned Connor to the floor of the tent, the smaller man letting out a yelp of surprise.

“I told you,” Kevin said smugly before realizing just how compromising this position was. He had pinned Connor’s wrists above his head, and if he leaned down just a little further their chests would be touching, and their mouths…

Connor cleared his throat, not quite sure where to look. His gaze swept over Kevin’s bare chest and he swallowed. “Well, okay, um.” His voice was shaking. He cleared his throat. “Yep. You win.”

Kevin was quickly brought back down to earth, and he rolled over to his side of the tent, looking up so that Connor wouldn’t see him blushing. “So, how’d you get so good at putting up tents?” he asked, quickly changing the subject.

“My dad used to take me out camping all the time. Thought it would make me more of a man.” Connor let out a dry syllable of a laugh. “Look what good it did me.”

Kevin frowned at him. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I have Hell dreams every night and a faulty light switch. And I got my district excommunicated from the Church. I probably won’t have a home to go back to after this.” Connor sighed, and Kevin felt something snap in his chest. “But that‘s nothing for you to worry about,” Connor continued, the fake brightness back in his voice. “How about we get some shuteye?”

Kevin hummed in agreement, but poked Connor’s shoulder. “Y’know we’re all behind you, right? Not just me and Poptarts, but everyone, We all want you to be happy. Especially me.”

Connor chuckled. “Goodnight, Kevin,” he said, and Kevin swore he could hear a hint of a smile in his voice. A genuine smile, like the one on his face when Kevin realized how much Connor meant to him.

“Goodnight, Connor.”

\---

Kevin was woken up by the sound of faint crying. Funny, Arnold barely ever had nightmares… then Kevin remembered where he was, and who was sleeping next to him.

“Elder McKinley? Connor? Wake up,” he said softly, gently shaking the District Leader’s shoulder. Connor simply moaned, his faced contorted into an expression of pain.

“Kevin…” he cried quietly.

“Yes, it’s me,” Kevin cooed.

“No, Kevin, no… no!” Connor was sobbing now.

“Connor, it’s just a dream. It’s not real.” Kevin’s voice was tight with worry for his friend, whose cries had now completely dissolved into loud sobs. Kevin sighed and pushed him harder. “Connor!” he almost shouted.

Connor sat upright with a gasp and looked around, eyes wide with terror, breathing heavily. His gaze finally rested on Kevin and he blinked a couple of times as his eyes focused. Finally, Connor let out a sob and flung himself onto Kevin, burying his head into the taller boy’s shoulder.

“Hey, it’s alright. I’m here. It’s all okay now,” Kevin cooed as he wrapped his arms tightly around his friend. He tried not to take pleasure in how Connor fit just right in his arms. Now was definitely not the time for that.

“I’m sorry,” Connor said between sobs. “I… you were… dying and it… it was j-just so real and I c-can’t lose you Kevin I just. Can’t.”

Kevin squeezed him. “Don’t apologise. I’m not going to leave you, Connor.”

Connor stared up at him. “Ever?”

Kevin gently wiped away Connor’s tears with his thumb. ‘Not if you don’t want me to.”

Connor shook his head and held him tight. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“Then I won’t.”

They remained in that position until the sun rose and Kevin realised that Connor had fallen into a – thankfully – peaceful sleep in his arms. The District Leader seemed so much smaller and more vulnerable, and Kevin realized that he would stay and protect Connor for as long as Connor wanted him to.

Jeez. He really had it bad.

\---

Kevin must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew, Connor was gently shaking him awake.

“Good morning, Elder Price. We’re going to start walking home soon, so you’d better eat some breakfast.”

Kevin groaned and opened his eyes. Connor was now fully dressed and leaning over him, his mouth pulled into a tight line. His eyes were tired – as per usual – but still beautiful. They were like pools of clear, ice water. Kevin could easily get lost in Connor’s eyes, in fact, he thought he already was lost. Hopelessly lost.

“Elder Price.”

“Mm, I’m up.” Kevin sat up, ignoring how his heart sank as he noticed Connor was referring to him formally again. He dressed quickly and Connor handed him a Poptart.

“I stole a box from Elder Poptarts’ stash while he wasn’t looking,” Connor explained with a sly wink. Kevin practically melted on the spot.

“Connor, about last night…” Kevin began through a mouthful of Poptart.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Connor interrupted. “I apologise for everything I said and did, it was all highly inappropriate.” His voice lacked its usual warmth, and Kevin didn’t like it one bit. “And I think that it would be best if we used each other’s titles again, don’t you? That is the rule, after all.”

Kevin placed a hand on Connor’s shoulder. He flinched, but quickly returned to rolling up his sleeping bag. “ _Connor_ ,” Kevin said forcefully, causing the other elder to freeze. “You know that I respect the rules about as much as Elder Butt-Fucking-Naked used to respect female genitals. And we _do_ need to talk about this. You don’t deserve to have Hell dreams every night, so we are not leaving this tent until we have worked out how to stop them.”

“You’re being ridiculous. I told you, there’s nothing to discuss,” Connor argued. He made for the door, but Kevin moved to sit down in front of it.

“You know you can’t fight me,” Kevin said, grinning smugly. Connor paused before sitting down opposite him resignedly. Kevin smiled. “Good. Now, what can we do to stop your Hell dreams?”

Connor frowned at him. “Don’t you think I’ve tried everything? There’s no stopping them.”

Kevin nodded thoughtfully. He guessed that after several years and several hundred Hell dreams, Connor had probably exhausted his options. “Well, how about we talk about what might be causing you Hell dreams? Then I might think of a solution you haven’t tried.”

Connor’s face turned red and his gaze shot down to his lap. “I’d really rather not,” he mumbled.

“Okay…” Kevin said. He really didn’t want to sound frustrated, but Connor was making this very hard for him. “Well, how about we play twenty questions? And you don’t have to answer anything you don’t want to. How about that?”

Slowly, Connor nodded.

“Great,” Kevin said, smiling. “Okay, so. First question. Do you think that it’s always been the same thing causing your Hell dreams?”

Connor nodded.

“Does anyone else know about this thing?”

A nod.

“Does Elder Poptarts know?”

A nod, and a small blush. Kevin ignored the pang of jealousy he felt. Poptarts was Connor’s mission companion, of course he knew more about Connor than Kevin did.

“Do any of the other Elders know?”

A slow nod. “Elders Neeley and Zelder can be pretty perceptive, but I asked them to keep it a secret,” Connor replied, his head down.

Kevin paused and steeled himself to ask his next question. “Just a stab in the dark here but… Connor, is this about me?”

Connor visibly tensed. They sat in frozen silence for a few moments. Finally, Connor tipped his head forward in what Kevin assumed was a nod.

“…Okay.” Kevin didn’t know whether to be relieved or worried. “Have I done something wrong? Well, I mean I’ve done a lot of things wrong, for one I’ve been a total asshat ever since I arrived, and I left you all for Orlando, and I thought I could go up against the General alone, and _boy_ was I wrong. But I really want to be _better_ , Connor, I don’t want to be arrogant or conceited or self-important anymore. I want to change, and I think I need help with that, so-”

“Kevin.”

Kevin stopped and looked at Connor. The District Leader hadn’t moved, his gaze hadn’t even moved from his lap, but something about him gave Kevin the idea that he wanted him to shut the heck up. “O-okay,” he said quietly. “Sorry. Um, let’s try something different. So this is about me. Are you… angry at me?”

Connor shrugged. Not a particularly good sign.

“Are you sad about something?”

Another shrug.

“You’re not giving me much to work with here.”

“I’m sorry, okay? I don’t even know what I’m feeling most of the time,” Connor snapped. “I’m just really confused.”

Kevin thought back to his first day in Uganda. He had confessed the same thing to Connor. Now that the roles were switched, maybe Kevin needed to give some different advice.

“Maybe you should try turning it on instead of off.”

Connor looked up at that. Hope had reappeared in his eyes, just a small glimmer, but it lifted Kevin’s spirits a little. Connor cleared his throat. “Okay, first thing, you may have been a conceited idiot when you first came here, but you have changed. A lot. And you weren’t the only one. After all, I did literally push you away when Arnold started getting the Ugandans interested in baptisms, and I don’t think I ever apologized for giving up on you so easily. So I’m sorry. Truly. I should have had more faith in you, and then you might not have stormed into the Elder B’s camp so rashly.”

Kevin nodded, smiling. “Thank you, Connor. I guess we’re both idiots, huh?”

Connor took a deep breath. “Secondly. Kevin Price, I have a confession to make.”

Kevin frowned. “Uh, okay. I don’t know if I’m the right person to be confessing anything to given my doubts about the Church, but, um, go ahead, I guess? Shoot.”

Connor gave him a small smile, his eyes wrinkling slightly with laughter. “You deserve to know. I think.”

Kevin nodded for him to continue.

“Okay. Well, um, you know how, on your first day here, I told you about my… friend.”

“Steve Blade.” Kevin remembered. It was odd that Connor was thinking about the very same day that he had been.

“Yes. Well, the night after I told Steve how I felt – I was naïve then, I didn’t know that liking boys wasn’t normal – my parents found out and, well, that was when the Hell dreams started.”

“So you think that the Hell dreams are caused by your gay thoughts?” That didn’t make any sense. Kevin had been having gay thoughts about Connor for weeks now, and he hadn’t had a Hell dream since the day after he had arrived, when he abandoned Arnold and Connor and the others for Orlando. Surely being gay wasn’t as bad as leaving one’s mission companion in a foreign country? Kevin didn’t think it was bad at all, in fact, but then why did Elder McKinley dream of hellfire every night? He didn’t get it.

“I’ve tried turning them off, Heavenly Father knows that I’ve been trying for years, but the light switch is broken and I- I can’t fix it.”

Kevin noticed that Connor’s eyes had gone glassy and he placed a hand on his knee in the hopes of reassuring him. “Hey, it’s okay,” he said. “We’ll get through this. So, you’ve been having gay thought about Steve Blade all this time?”

Connor shook his head. “No. Not just Steve, other people too.” He paused. “One person in particular.”

Kevin found it harder to ignore the stab of jealously in his chest. “Oh?” he choked out.

“Mm. And he deserves to know.”

Kevin forced a bright Mormon smile for his friend. “Well, he sure is a lucky guy. When are you going to tell him? Am I allowed to know who it is?” He gasped. “Is it Poptarts?” Of course it was Poptarts. Kevin would be that unlucky.

Connor raised an eyebrow at him, and it took Kevin an embarrassingly long time to figure out that Connor wasn’t simply telling him this because he trusted him.

“Oh,” he said.

Oh indeed.

They stared at each other in silence, the air between them thick and tense. Kevin wondered whether the entire fabric of the galaxy would rip apart if he ruined the moment by talking. Okay, he had watched _way_ too many sci-fi films with Arnold.

It was at that moment that the tent door was unzipped from the outside and Elder Davis stuck his head in. “Hey, the other elders are wondering when we’re going to…” he trailed off as he took in the sight around him. Kevin and Connor had sprung apart so that there was a good three feet of space between them – not that they were particularly close to begin with – and everything about them could have led Elder Davos to believe that they had been talking about anything at all, if it weren’t for the fact that their faces were as red as tomatoes. Elder Davis stared for a moment more, grinned and disappeared from view, although seconds later his voice rang loudly around the campsite: “Elder Schrader, I told you it would happen! You owe me and Arnold a week’s worth of chores!”

Connor ducked his head, very clearly embarrassed. Kevin zipped up the tent so that it was the two of them again. “So,” he began.

“So,” Connor echoed.

“You like me?”

“How could I not?” Connor smiled wryly, still avoiding Kevin’s eyes. “I mean, you can be a self-centred A-hole sometimes” – that earned a chuckle from Kevin – “but on top of that you can be kind, and gentle, and selfless. And your confidence can be really reassuring. Not to mention the fact that you’re gosh-darn adorable.”

Kevin pouted. “I am _not_ adorable,” he said, feigning offence, but inside he was floating. He half expected to be sucked down to Hell any moment now. “I think,” he continued, “I might have a solution to your problem.”

Connor frowned, but there was a glint of hope in his eyes, just like earlier. “Whatever it is, I’ve probably already tried it.”

“Just hear me out, okay?”

Connor sighed. “Okay.”

“What if…” Kevin took a deep breath. “What if Heavenly Father is punishing you because you’re lying to yourself?”

Connor frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Well, if Heavenly Father made everyone perfect, and your gay thoughts are a part of you – I mean, since you can’t turn it off, and you’re an amazing person anyway, it must just be… who you are – maybe He wants you to just be yourself. Maybe He wants you to keep the switch on.”

Connor shook his head. “That’s ridiculous. Heavenly Father is testing me and I’m failing, that’s why He’s punishing me.”

Kevin’s voice came out louder than he had intended it to. “Then why is it that I don’t have Hell dreams even though I’m in love with you?”

Connor froze, his eyes wide. “You…?”

Kevin groaned and rubbed his eyes. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have shouted like that. But yes, I think I’m in love with you – no, I _know_ I’m in love with you, of course I am, and it drives me crazy that you’re suffering like this.”

Connor was searching Kevin’s face, his expression unreadable. It scared Kevin, because normally he could tell when Connor was happy, or sad, or tired, even when he didn’t want anyone to know. The District Leader appeared to find whatever he was looking for, as he spoke again, softly, timidly. “And you don’t have Hell dreams?”

Kevin shook his head. “Not since the bus stop. You were in that one, actually. I don’t think I ever told you.”

Kevin hoped that Connor wouldn’t ask what he was doing in the dream – or, rather, whom – but Connor seemed lost in thought. Finally he looked up, his beautiful eyes clouded over with uncertainty. “Can I try something, please? You can stop me at any time,” he said, voice wavering a little.

“Sure,” Kevin said, noticing how Connor was already leaning forward. He met him halfway, hoping to whatever God existed that he was right about what Connor was about to do.

The kiss was sweet. Connor’s lips were softer than Kevin had imagined than, and he kissed without expecting anything from Kevin. Kevin’s left hand found its way into Connor’s hair almost automatically, and a moan escaped his mouth, taking them both by surprise.

Connor pulled away. “Did… was that my fault? Did I make you do that?”

Kevin blushed. “I think so,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry. Do you want to stop?”

Connor’s eyebrows knitted together. “I… don’t know.” Kevin’s heart sank. “I don’t know what’s right anymore.”

Kevin smiled kindly and laced his fingers with Connor’s. “Does this feel right to you?”

Connor paused. A smile grew on his face. “Yes.”

Kevin squeezed his hand. “Then nothing else matters.”

“Is it really that simple?”

Kevin kissed Connor’s nose, causing him to blush as red as his hair. “If you want it to be.”

Connor stood up. “We should probably pack up. If we don’t leave soon, we’ll have to spend another night in here.”

Kevin shrugged. “And is that supposed to be a bad thing?” Connor stuck his tongue out at him playfully.

They emerged from the tent holding hands and were welcomed by the other elders with shouts of “I told you so”, “aww”s and a single wolf-whistle from Elder Zelder. Kevin was relieved to see a genuine, warm smile on Connor’s face.

He didn’t know that the next morning he would be surprised with a tight hug from behind as he was making toast, and it would be Connor, crying tears of joy instead of tears of fear, saying that he hadn’t had a Hell dream that night, that Kevin had been right, and Kevin would laugh and say of course, wasn’t he always right?

And, of course, he would get a playful smack on the head for that.

**Author's Note:**

> i kinda want to write a churchtarts side-fic to this??
> 
> come and yell at me on tumblr: sunshine-soprano


End file.
